Saturday, June 12, 2010

A very scientific and serious Super Bowl preview

Ah yes, Super Bowl week is here. This, by itself, is not a great thing. The ends do justify the means because, obviously, Super Bowl Sunday is awesome. But the week leading up to Sunday’s game moves along as quickly as a small town Christmas parade, and by the time you read this, every possible angle will have been beaten to death.

This year’s example is, of course, Dwight Freeney’s ankle. On a Freeney’s ankle-related side note, ankle sprains are one of the most annoying injuries one can experience. They take forever to heal completely and it seems like if you have injured one, you are guaranteed to do it again at some point when you least expect it. I have rolled both of my ankles more times than I care to remember, and for every step I take, my chances of re-injuring one of them is around one in six.

Anyway, there’s always the chance that someone will pull a Eugene Robinson later in the week or wake up around noon and miss a team practice and reignite the media circus all over again. But in either case, it will be too late for me to write about it. So just to be safe, in case something like that does happen, I’m going to bet on NFC Championship game-winning kicker Garrett Hartley being the culprit. I don’t know, Jeremy Shockey was too easy.

With that thought-provoking wager thankfully put to rest, here are some other people I will be paying attention to during the actual Super Bowl, assuming we make it there eventually.

Pierre Thomas/Pierre Garçon.
This could possibly be the biggest battle for bragging rights between two NFL players named Pierre that the world has ever seen. That and they’re both important parts to their respective teams’ offensive attacks, whichever you find more relevant. Also, I just learned today that the little line attached to Pierre Garçon’s last name is called a cedilla. The Super Bowl: where I learn about French pronunciation.

Reggie Bush. If he can get the touches, he has the capacity to change the game in a hurry. The question on everyone’s mind though is if the Saints win, will he propose to girlfriend Kim Kardashian? A move like that could bring Jim Nantz to tears. And if they lose, will Kardashian leave him for Ron Artest or some other Laker? You better believe that only something as big as the Super Bowl can answer these questions.

The Who. The halftime performers. After Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band played last year, I guess the NFL decided they were going to set the bar a bit lower this time. I’m not excited. But speaking of bars, I will be in one; maybe they can turn the jukebox on. In case you’re wondering, Prince playing “Purple Rain” in the rain a few years ago was my favorite halftime show moment.

Rex Grossman. Well, not really Rex himself, but unlike in his previous Super Bowl victory, Peyton Manning will be facing Drew Brees, who is not Rex Grossman. I don’t think I’m going overboard when I say this should be a pretty well quarterbacked Super Bowl.

A couple random thoughts: I didn’t know Brees was that short - he’s what they call a ‘generous’ six feet - I’m surprised I haven’t heard about this a million times already. And earlier this week, Sportscenter ran a story about Peyton Manning having hypermnesia, which according to is “the condition of having an unusually vivid or precise memory.” Wow, he really is a robot; still doesn’t explain the Oreo commercials though.

All that matters in the end is that it’s the Super Bowl, one of the best days of the year in our fine country, and it should be enjoyed. Plus, I think it will be a pretty entertaining game. If I had to choose, I would go with the Colts, simply because of Manning. I really do think he’s a robot. Enjoy your last NFL game in a very long time.

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